Is it Possible to Love Others if I don’t Love myself?

“If I don’t love myself, how can I love anyone else?” I let this question go deep inside me. I find it is the quickest entry into the reality that what I call “love” for others can really be something else. Maybe it’s a need or perhaps a desire. Or maybe it’s a moment of connecting with the love deep within me. And then I project it on another, making them the false source of it.
When I recognize an expansive, caring feeling for MYSELF, I also experience a corresponding expansion – love if you will – for others. Those amazing moments give me a taste of what the mystics have called “unconditional love.”
How delicious!

How to experience GENUINE ACCEPTANCE!

Genuine Acceptance

The easiest – and perhaps ONLY – way to experience acceptance, is to discover and allow ALL aspects of the mind to have a seat at the “board table!” By that, I mean experience the situation and let ALL the parts of the mind have space to express how they feel about a particular situation.

For example:

I dropped my favorite bowl and it broke. If I ask, “Can I accept this?” I may find myself uncomfortable, sad, maybe even angry. And, if I am truthful, I would have to say, “No.”

But here’s where the trickiness of the mind comes in. It says, “There is no use in being sad about it. Don’t ‘cry over spilled milk.’ You can get another one.” What this internal voice is doing is suppressing the other part of the mind that feels sad or angry. It doesn’t give that part space to be real and feel the emotions that are there.

Once I experience this, I can ask, “So, I’ve broken my favorite bowl. And a part of the mind is upset by this, and another part wants to move on. Can I accept this?”

Now the answer might be “Yes.” And then there is a feeling of acceptance that comes. It permeates the body…there’s a feeling of relaxing into the situation.

However, if I look a little deeper, I may still have ANOTHER part of the mind that is angry at the second part for trying to suppress the first part! In that event, I can ask, “OK, I’ve broken my bowl. A part of the mind is upset by this, another part wants to move on, AND a third part is angry at the part that wants to move on!”

At SOME point, I will find the bigger picture of what is going on. And when I do, I find a genuine acceptance of it! It is allowing ALL the parts of the mind to be present and accounted for that gives me this feeling of acceptance…because                                  IT IS THE TRUTH OF WHAT IS HAPPENING!

So, the next time you find yourself in a situation where you are in the process of “acceptance,” give this understanding a try and experience what happens!



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Could you have done it better?

You are ALWAYS doing the best you can do in the moment.
How do I know?
Because if you could have done “better,” you would have.
Remember that this thing called “hindsight” (which is only a thought) always assumes the contrary. Hindsight is only an ideal. It has no reality. And the mind uses it to fight with the real, with that which happened.
This is where the eternal war starts…between the mind’s hindsight and what actually happened. The way out of the war is to see the ideal for what it is: a thought that, if believed, creates misery and anxiety. The moment I experience the ideal for what it really is, it begins to disappear. And the understanding that arises is the beginning of self-acceptance…and peace.