Whenever I am in an argument, I am somewhere in the field of polarities. Another way of saying that is that I am either leaning toward one end of the polarity pole or the other.
I am insisting that I am right and the other is wrong. This attitude completely misses the reality that the polarities are complimentary, not contradictory… that the pole is really ONE!
When I understand the complimentary nature of polarities, then my “rightness” ceases to encase me and I can understand the opposing pole reality. In fact, the opposition melts away and there is just a picture of the oneness of the POLE!
An example: Years ago, my wife wanted to sell our Japanese prints at $10 each. I suggested we sell them for $5. She got very upset and said that she couldn’t comprehend how I would sell them for so little. I responded that we weren’t selling them for ANYTHING, so that $5 was better than nothing.
This opposition escalated into an all-out argument, with each of us taking our positions in opposition to the other.
When I saw that we were just creating opposites and that it would never work to stay there, I began to realize the polarity nature of the situation. I could certainly see her position. In fact we had had a similar argument almost twenty years ago when she wanted to sell valuable popular comics at a sale price. I insisted that they were worth much more…and the polarity game began.
What I get now is to do what people learning the Japanese art of aikido understand: step over to see what the other is seeing. If I hold that my position is the ONLY position, then I can’t see or understand what the other sees and understands.
And it doesn’t matter if the other stays in their polarized position so long as I am willing to see the entire pole, instead of only my position. Then I have compassion and do not need to convince the other of their erring ways!